It’s 9:27pm at Indiana Wesleyan University. I’m sitting on a strange little sofa in the lobby of Martin Hall, my new home. Wait…what? lol That is just crazy. It seems like only yesterday that I was counting down the days and wishing that I didn’t still have to wait a whole month!!! But the reality is that I’m here, the countdown is over, and I’m all alone. So this is what it feels like. I think I tried to pretend like the transition was going to be like super easy and effortless. FALSE. It’s not that I’m emotionally struggling; it’s more about how scary it is to realize that you probably know 7 students out of thousands. That’s not easy to swallow at all. So I guess this is one of those moments when I really have to make a choice about what my attitude is going to be. I have to choose to either give up or fight for the college experience I want. And I want this to be my new home. My home life hasn’t been very good lately, and so I can’t even describe how much I crave family and community on this campus! lol I need a new home and a fresh start on life…MY life. And I’m wondering if maybe some of you reading this are at a similar point in your life. Maybe you’re not at college, but perhaps you can clearly see the choice set before you. You can choose to give up, or to fight. You know what kind of experience you desire in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Your attitude won’t always change the situation that you’re in, but it will change you. Let me say that again. Your attitude won’t always change the situation that you’re in, but it will change you! That’s the reality of it. So I’m going to head back to a room that basically feels like a small hotel room, and I’m choosing to have an attitude of hope and faith about the days ahead. You have that opportunity as well. Don’t give up! 🙂
Well, I’m not sure how many people actually read this, but I’d like to believe my lack of blogging has led to utter disappointment and tears of sorrow for at least someone! If you’re one of those people, rest assured. I’m back!
Honestly, life hasn’t been fun here lately. A lot of things have taken place in my personal life that have just been…well…ridiculous and terrible. We all have those seasons, right? But the truth is that I’ve thought multiple times, “I really need to blog”, but have just never really felt like doing it. When you add that to the fact that lately I haven’t felt like I had anything to say…well…you get a lack of blogging.
But today I have something to say. I’ve been staying with my grandparents lately. There’s a long story behind that, but it’s been good. But today I really wanted to talk about something that I’ve been wrestling with lately. So here we go. 🙂
My grandparents love the Lord very, very much. They are so cute. My grandpa will read the Scriptures and my grandma will sit with him for hours and follow along. And my grandpa makes no bones about the fact that He believes the Lord will return soon. Now, he doesn’t believe it will happen when the Mayan calendar ends! He hasn’t claimed a certain year or a specific day. But he used the word “soon”. Now, maybe you’re like me and you think, “well, obviously soon is like 15 years from now…you know…after I get to do everything on earth that I want to do.” LOL To be frank, when Grandpa said this recently, it made me mad. I’m ashamed that it did, but it was something that I had to be honest about. Lately I’ve been talking to God about it and confessing that perhaps I love this world more than I love Him sometimes. There are certain parts of my life that I don’t want to give up for Him.
Ok, I need to be a little more vulnerable here. I’ve never really been one to NOT share what’s on my heart. lol. I am really, reallly, realllllly, REALLY excited about college! I lie awake at night thinking about it. I talk about it, post about it on facebook, spend my money (and money I don’t have!) on it. Right now, I have to be honest and say that it is basically the most important thing in my life. In fact…just remove the word “basically” from that last sentence, and you’ll know the truth. My future in college is and has become the MOST important thing in my life.
And that’s why it’s more important to me than Eternity with my Savior. That’s why I got mad when Grandpa said what He did about believing the Lord will come soon.
The reality is that we really don’t know exactly when the Lord is going to return and take us Home, but the Scriptures do shed some light on things that can lead to the idea of “soon”. We need to take a look at political, financial, and lifestyle things that are happening in our world. And let’s be honest; we live in a world that is VERY far from God.
So what are we supposed to do? Just drop everything or get bitter about being “cheated” out of life? well, of course not! We are supposed to continue living and walking with the Lord. It could be years until He returns, or just a few days. We don’t really know, nor have we ever really known. We have to keep living while keeping our eyes fixed on eternity. I’ve just been praying and talking with God about my feelings about all of this. He knows that I’m afraid of not getting to experience things like college or marriage. But I know that God wants what is truly best for us. Maybe what we want out of life is good, but is it BEST? Of course not. Heaven is the BEST!
I want to clarify that I’m not writing this to make a claim about when He’s coming back. My main reason behind writing this today is to kind of confess that my eyes have been and in some ways are continuing to look at things that aren’t the best. I want to remind all of us to fix our eyes on Eternity with Jesus Christ. Live your life and walk with Him, but remember that this life is only temporary.
Because one day, Jesus is going to come and say, “I’m BACK”. and He’s going to take us Home forever. And we’re going to love it more than anything we’ve ever loved in this life. 🙂
Just some food for thought. Maybe it’s a lot to swallow? I know it was for me, and still is. Just be honest with God if you have the wrong attitude about it like I did/do. Ask Him for a change in perspective. He’ll help you. 🙂